Each and every day is another change in the tides. Some days the energy bursts forth from me, some days I run as a beat up old pick up, all stutter stop and stall outs. It’s all so incredibly volatile, it becomes hard to do much beyond keep moving, keep adapting, learning, and growing.
Such is life I suppose. It’s a reality that all begin to face one day and many quickly come to loathe and dread. As for me, I’ve just begun. Just begun to find my feet in the world, just begun learning how to keep those not so little necessities of life from dropping rainclouds on my big ideas and grandiose plans, hell it’s hard enough from keeping them from raining on my everyday joys. It’s not easy learning to manage your own life for the first time. Any who say otherwise are simply puffing their chests. Add in the small factor of doing it in a foreign country and you end up with a real steep learning curve.
I guess as I’m going about writing this I’m still struggling with so many moving pieces in my head that it becomes so hard not to let them all fall to the ground. Times like these can oft lead me dangerously close to places I’ve been before and never want to be again. It’s hard to fight yourself because you’re not even aware that you’re doing it. You can’t say oh well my enemy will likely make this move or that play; you know exactly what you’ll do, except you really don’t.
I dunno, at this point I’m just chucking words and thoughts out on paper to give myself some sort of release or seeking some inspiration. I’ve hit the point where I’m beginning to feel the wear and fatigue of the last two months. The little boy inside me would love nothing more than to run home to mom and hide in her arms. Hell, part of the 20 year old me feels the same way. I guess when you’re blessed with such a loving family that it makes it pretty hard to be away. It also makes it so much easier. Knowing that you have such amazing support at all times and in all conditions makes it easier to pick yourself up a little bit.
So the previous paragraphs were written a few days ago. I’d just gotten back from a whirlwind 12 day semester break that saw me travel to Sydney, Newcastle, and the entire South Island of New Zealand. I reckon it’s worth recounting some of that trip as it was one hell of a trip. I’ll put that in a separate post. The result of that trip and the preceding two months was a burned out and worn down self, something reflected in my previous writing. Since then I’ve picked myself back up and have gotten rest and nutrition to revitalize.
“Do what you gotta do, just don’t stay still, otherwise life moves on without you.”
A little bit of sage advice from an older brother who knows a hell of a lot more than anyone gives him credit for, including himself, and probably me. It’s a small bit of advice that seems to make so much sense out here in this extraordinary world that I’ve found myself in. It’s so simplistic and blunt, yet so effective; certain things have to be taken care of in order to keep the wheels spinning and the engine humming.
It’s a steep learning curve as I said before, and I do believe I’m beginning to reach the top of it so I reckon I’ll leave some things I’ve learned for anyone else who goes abroad,
Lesson #1: Everything is more expensive than you think.
Lesson #2: Nothing will go smoothly, and that is what will make it all memorable
Lesson #3: Every tough experience is making you that much better. Appreciate it.
Lesson #4: You can and will adapt and thrive in any given situation. Just relax, breathe, and keep pushing forward.
Lesson #5: Do what keeps you healthy and happy, don’t get caught up in negative spirals.
Hopefully someone reading this is able to get some guidance and help from these.
Since dealing with a major identity change and depression brought about by post concussion symptoms I’ve taken a vested interest in my brain and how to enhance the brain in general. The latest result of this, following nutrition and proper supplements for my brain, is a foray into lucid dreaming. For those who don’t know what this is, it’s when you become aware that you are dreaming within a dream and proceed to control the dream. This allows you to do essentially anything you want. More importantly, It has been used in the past by Greeks and Romans to allow them to build “memory libraries”. Huge libraries of memories and information within your mind that allow for greatly increased memory and retention. Another result of lucid dreaming is a much sharper sense of the world around you. All of it intrigues and excites me. We’ll see how it goes for me.
Another note, I may not end up doing all of next year at City University in London and delaying my departure for there until Spring. This being due to a couple of factors. Financially, I doubt I’ll have a whole lot of funds left when I return home and 2 months isn’t enough time to earn sufficient funds really. Academically, I’ve found that though I am adapting to the different style of learning out here, I do greatly prefer the education at Chapman and want to take full advantage of that. Also, another semester at Chapman would allow me to take 18 units and get even more ahead in my program, therefore allowing me to take tea and crumpet tasting in London and having more free time to travel and less stress. It will also be good for me to have more time at home to properly rest and prepare to go abroad again as it is a pretty big endeavor I’d also like to potentially do an international internship in Summer 2014, possibly in Hong Kong, but that’s a whole other process and decision to consider.
Regardless, there’s nothing I can say except that I am unbelievably blessed to even be here and have begun to rediscover the excitement that I had prior to hitting a wall last week. Excited for what the future holds.