Lessons Learned – You can’t just go back

Coming home I wanted to just reset and in a sense just go back to what I did/was before. After so long out walkabout everything wears you down and nothing sounds better than home and what you knew before. You feel a need to reset and recover.

Funny thing is, it’s just not possible. You know that sleep for a week idea that sounded like the best thing ever? As it happened I couldn’t even sleep for a second when I finally got home. Despite having traveled three continents in a day and a half and having spent most of it on a plane and in airports I couldn’t even nap. Not even a wink. I had to do something. Anything, needed to move, find new things. And now a couple of weeks later, I’ve managed to slow myself down. Sleeping easy, recovered from the wear and tear of it all. But now that I’ve recovered, I am confronting the real challenges of coming back.

As noted in my eyes open post, its impossible to close your view once its been opened up. Mostly a good thing, but it makes returning to what you did before damned impossible. I spoke with a fellow exchange student who had chosen to stay on for a second semester when I got into Cairns, and he pretty much said all the kids who had gone home had borderline depression and were struggling to readjust to being home again. I understand that now.  You want to open up to everyone at home about what you’ve been through, what its taught you, how it changed you. And its incredibly complicated because your not sure if you know the answer to all of it. So bringing it outside of yourself is near out if the question. You begin to wonder if these are the people you fit with, are you putting the right people around yourself? And you have to be ever so aware that the people who have been a positive in your life are still that way. The line gets blurred and you’re not sure if all of these people are positives in your life. If they bring a better light to your life and if you do to theirs. And its not a question of whether or not they are a good person. A fine distinction between good people and positive lights. There are lots of good people but a positive light is different for each person and often hard to find. Good people can take themselves and yourself down bad paths, wittingly and unwittingly. Its a bit confusing when the realization hits you that those you know as good people are not always what you need in life. What you need is something new to push you forward and challenge you. Because what you already know does not challenge you. Its frankly too easy and will result in you regressing to simple routines and bubbles.

This is not to say that what is known is bad, you must have some base to build from, to fall back on when you fail and struggle. But what is known can not be the only thing in your life. Else stagnation and complacency set in quickly.

Your head hurts and your eyes strain because you want so badly to push forward and grow in so many ways. An impact. You need to make an impact.

I suppose they did say coming home was harder than going, but this wasn’t expected.


7 thoughts on “Lessons Learned – You can’t just go back

  1. Jean Lowe says:

    I really enjoyed your observations. And yes it is all true. If you likened it to growing an inch for every new experience you would be so so tall that you no longer would feel quite comfortable with your old friends. You would find yourself bending over to be able to converse. You would be at a different level. And then you find someone else as “tall” as you and you feel they are your best friend and you cannot stop talking and sharing experiences. But you cannot stop yourself from growing because the alternative is to become stagnant and you need that adrenalin rush or whatever that adds to your life. I hope we can meet and talk one day. I am Corey’s gram and I am sure you must know by now who he is.

    • drwood40 says:

      Thanks! I really like the way you likened the experience to growing taller. That’s very much what it feels like. I would certainly enjoy meeting and know yourself and my grandma are friends.

      • Jean Lowe says:

        I did meet your grandma after Annie’s high school graduation at my son’s home. Very interesting woman indeed as is your grandpa and your father. Love Annie very much. Are you still in town or have you left?

  2. Annelle Arthur says:

    Wow! Jean really nailed it, didn’t she. I agree with what she has to say. I did meet Jean and had a wonderful time with her at Corey’s and Annie’s graduation luncheon. I’m friends with the other grandmotherSounds like it’s time for the two fo us to go out for a chat and some lunch. Name the date.

    • Jean Lowe says:

      My date book is empty Annelle. The other grandma has my phone number. It would be fun. Or we can email.

  3. Dylan says:

    You’re the man Doug fresh!!
    So insightful. Lovin’ these words of wisdom hah

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